Thanks to President Obama

At a shiur last week I heard that Obama said that he was losing patience with Netanyahu. I have not seen this statement yet (okay, call me slow on the uptake), but if it is true, I have two reactions to it. First, it’s mutual. We are losing patience with Obama as well, and so are many of the American people. Second, I am happy to hear that I can finally find something with which I agree with Mr. Obama.
I am admittedly a hothead and an extremist and for this reason and many others would never in a million years get elected Prime Minister of Israel. I also apologize for using a trite device which has been used before. Nevertheless, if we can suspend disbelief, the following is what I would say in addressing the UN General Assembly in its annual opening session:

Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen, respected representatives and heads of state of the nations of the world:
I address all of you and the nations which you represent, including those of you who walked out when I was introduced to speak. I sympathize with you, since I also intend to walk out when I finish speaking. Unlike you, I don’t intend to come back. Now I will tell you why.
The United Nations was founded in 1945 as a successor to the League of Nations, which, when challenged by international crises culminating in World War II, quickly went the way of the dinosaur and the dodo bird. This body will eventually go the same way for similar reasons with variations on a theme.
The history of attempts to create world government has been fraught with great pretensions and little substance over the years. Some say that the League and the UN have failed because they have had too little authority. I say that the UN has grossly abused the power and resources which it has. It has spent money with little or no oversight and used it to produce waste, scandal and complicity in murder and indecent trafficking in human flesh. Our small country has been the subject of a disproportional amount of negative attention from this body, whose “experts” on human rights include some of the most oppressive and murderous regimes on the face of the earth.
There are those in the world, and in this body, who seek to eliminate nation-states from the world little by little by ceding sovereignty. You can bully the small, week states into becoming part of larger organizations, but this approach will never solve the problem of totalitarian regimes which threaten the world with nuclear or biological holocaust or returning the world to the Stone Age by unleashing massive electromagnetic pulses through the atmosphere. Neither have you begun to stop the traffic in human organs by a nation which holds dissenting communities prisoner until a customer requests their organs. Meanwhile the so-called civilized world is an accessory to murder.
Mr. President, our nation shall no longer apologize for the right to defend itself. We shall offer no more gestures and concessions to those who wish to wipe us out and eliminate us from existence as a nation. They can try to do so and continue to fail. But the next time they launch an attack, we will not be hear to hear pleas for a cease-fire. We will not stop until as an example we utterly destroy the first nation or terror organization which makes war on us. Terrorist organizations and their officials will have no safety from us anywhere in the world, not even if their representatives wear suits and ties and sit in this building. We will deal with them wherever they are. Collateral damage where they sit means little to us. We will attempt to minimize it but not at the cost of failure to destroy our objective.
From this day on we have a new policy. From the moment our delegation walks out of this building, we shall not return unless and until the United Nations Organization repents in word and in deed of its nefarious past. Even then we have no intention of ceding our sovereign rights as a nation. We shall pursue our own course and defend ourselves as necessary. We expect all UN diplomats, officials, officers and troops to leave our territory and our borders within 72 hours after our resignation takes effect. Those who fail to leave will be arrested and either deported or tried for crimes they may have committed. Thereafter we will relate to the United Nations as a criminal organization. Legislation to this effect is on the desk of the Speaker of the Knesset in Jerusalem.
Our policy toward the so-called Palestinians in the world will be complex but just. Those who have ancestral ties to our people and have no blood on their hands will be welcomed to return to our people and live according to our Torah. Others who wish to live with us as resident aliens will be allowed to live according to the universal Noahide Laws. Those who have national aspirations inconsistent with the State of Israel as a Jewish state will be helped and encouraged to pursue them elsewhere. Those who pursue violence against us will receive violence in return. Proportionality will not be a criterion any more than it was when the Allies defeated Germany in World War II.
The Minister of Education is currently formulating a new educational policy based on one land for one people. It will include extensive teaching of the ancient, divinely mandated right of the people of Israel to the land of Israel as expounded in the Bible and the Koran. We will teach this curriculum in all schools, whether in the religious, secular or minority sector. We will also set a target of literacy of all Jewish high school graduates in Arabic as befits a nation in the Middle East.
Jewish settlement will be permitted and encouraged in all parts of the Land of Israel. The new Defense Minister will shortly sign orders legalizing all existing settlements and outposts whose legality has been challenged. From time to time we will hold cabinet meetings in some of these fine communities.
As a developed and financially sound economy we will immediately phase out foreign aid from the US, EU and UN. We are formulating legislation and executive orders defining inimical organizations whose financial influence will no longer be permitted. This will include not only terror organizations and fronts, but also foreign bodies who interfere in our political systems and attempt to influence elections and public policy.
We call on all of the Jews of the world to come home. Those who are not Jewish according to halacha and wish to live according to our Torah as it has been taught by our Sages throughout history going back to Moses at Sinai will have the opportunity to study and convert. The wise of the nations are invited to become part of the powerhouse of human resources which we have unleashed in the world with G-d’s help for the benefit of all humanity.
I could easily expound on all that I have said for another several hours, but since I am not inordinately fond of the sound of my own voice, and since our tradition emphasizes deeds more than words, I think I will just stop here and take my leave, not in anger but in sorrow at the terrible waste of opportunities for peace in the last 60 or 100 years, depending on how you count them. But for us now peace will be an end result rather than a process. When our enemies admit they have failed and lay down their weapons, we shall have peace. We are not in a hurry. Farewell.