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Showing posts with label Derech Eretz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Derech Eretz. Show all posts

Sunday, August 26, 2018

"One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor," Derech Eretz Lesson



This simple little tune, with an easily repeatable title/refrain, "One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor," says so much in just a few words. It's funny that all my mind recalls from that song is the refrain. I've always considered it an important lesson.

To me "One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor" shows how not only are we all connected, but the small, innocuous things we do can have major influences on others, for good and for bad.

Most people are almost exclusively tuned into themselves and are oblivious to the hurt or annoyance they cause others. It's worse in recent decades, since many people pay more attention to the smartphones and tablets they carry around, than to people. Earphones are almost permanently implanted in people, like hospital IVs and medical tubing in an ICU patient, but without any medical need.

Being that I've inherited Misophonia, I'm hypersensitive to certain sounds, vibrations, sudden disturbances etc. The positive, good aspect of this syndrome is that I'm a dancer by nature. Certain sounds inspire me to move. I'm also very sensitive to different genres of music, which means that while some music makes me soar, others make me sour, mean, miserable and irritable. When I once very politely asked someone not to clap loudly, her reaction was:
"Isn't there a pill you can take?"
I guess that was nicer than recommending a lobotomy. Even when in theory I can take the sound of light clapping, but if it's out of tune, it drives me nuts.

In synagogue during religious services/prayers, Misophonia can be most handicapping. Losing my "train of thought" when communicating with Gd is extremely problematic. I'm there to pray, not to make enemies and silently curse my neighbors.

In recent years there is a new and horrendously problematic phenomenon; some people have added loud clapping to the Silent Prayer aka the Amida. I'm sure you can guess that many people find themselves disturbed. Some are lucky enough to be able to easily and quickly get back into prayer mode, but others, like myself, are completely lost. It's like waking up suddenly because of a nightmare and not being able to relax back to sleep.

Apparently the clapping is from the Jews who follow the rather un-Jewish custom of solitary prayer, popular with the followers of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. Jewish Prayer ideally requires community, a minyan, quorum of at least ten men over the age of Bar Mitzvah. It seems that to compensate for the lack of community and prayer leader, the Rabbi Nachman followers have been instructed to clap at various times in prayers to keep themselves focused. That's fine alone out in the wilderness, but it's worse than rude when in a group, when everyone else is totally silent.
"Look at me! Look at me. Stop praying; look at me!" They seem to be saying.
We also need to remember that Gd isn't deaf. Gd knows what we're saying out loud and in our hearts, even our quietest whispers.

I also find it problematic when people bang and clap loudly when prayers are sung to catchy tunes, because in too many cases they are so busy making noise that they aren't saying the words of the prayers.

We're now in the midst of Elul, the Month of Teshuva, Repentance. Let us all try to be nicer to other people, Gd willing.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Lesson in "Midot," Proper Manners, 2 Bus Stories


מפני שיבה תקום
MIPNEI SEIVA TAKUM
Before an old person, get up

Simply stated, that means that one must give one's seat to the elderly or infirm. This can be in any place, a bus, train or waiting room. It can also be at home or at an event, or even when piling into the family car. It's important to train/educate one's child from the youngest age to be aware of others and give an older or infirm or pregnant woman the most comfortable or convenient seat. The closest term I can think of from my secular American childhood was:
"Respect Your Elders."

Israeli buses have signs by the front seats saying "מפני שיבה תקום." As I've gotten older, I've really begun to appreciate the fact that I look old enough to benefit from the fact that many Israelis, even Arab men, give me their seats.

Bus Story #1 

The day I took the picture at the top, a young woman immediately got up for me as I boarded the bus. But before I managed to sit down I saw a much older woman get on, so I gave her the seat and walked towards the back of the bus. The young woman who had gotten up for me looked surprised, so I told her that someone much more needy than myself was sitting there instead. By the time I finished the sentence, another young person got up and gave me her seat. Then I snapped the photo planning on telling/blogging the wonderful story.

Bus Story #2 

Not long ago, I got on the bus when it wasn't all that crowded and easily found a seat. In the seats just in front, which face each other, there was a young woman, most probably a teenage girl with a large suitcase. That suitcase blocked the other three seats. She may have thought that she was doing the right thing, because she sat with her back to the driver, but it was hard to get in there, so I sat in a different row. I kept thinking that if only she had taken one of the single seats, she wouldn't have been blocking anyone.

As the bus rapidly filled with passengers, two English-speaking teenage girls, dressed and coiffed like those who study for the year in religious seminaries,  managed to climb over the suitcase and squeeze themselves into the seats across from her. By then the bus was packed with only a half-seat across the aisle. Then a man of my generation got on and tried to have the girl move her suitcase so he could get in. She totally ignored him, as did the other girls. He turned around and managed to squeeze himself in the smaller seat next to a heavy middle-aged woman.

A few stops later he got up to get off and said "מפני שיבה תקום" to the girls and they just gave him a blank look, even when he, in Hebrew, tried to quickly explain that they should respect their elders and have given him a seat. He got off the bus and I explained what he had been trying to say in English. The looks they gave me were so nasty. It's clear that מפני שיבה תקום, respecting the elderly and giving up bus seat were not part of their education, neither at home nor in the various schools they've attended. I told them that their behavior was a chillul Hashem, a disgrace and went against Jewish Law.

There were no apologies from those girls, just nasty looks. Derech Eretz, the Mitzvot bein adam v'chareiro, between man and his fellow man are the basis for Judaism and  a healthy compassionate society.

Traveling on public transportation is a great barometer of the state of a society. I see some fantastic good most of the time, but there are those who need to learn and practice these crucial mitzvot.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Still Trying to Change the World

Yesterday I found myself having a bit of an argument with an elderly, obviously older than me, man on the lightrail. We were among the half-dozen or so senior citizens trying to "stare" a couple of very young men into getting up so the two eldest of us could sit down.

Usually I'm pretty good at it, but even though not only were we all staring daggers at the kids and complaining sufficiently loudly, neither of them got the hint. The very elderly man was rather jaded by the bad behavior and announced that he'd be getting off at the next stop hoping that he'd get a seat on the "next train."

Somebody said that we should be a bit more aggressive and just tell the kids to get up.
The old man said "not to bother. You can't change the world."
"Of course we can change the world." I replied.
"No, it's impossible." The man countered.
I was very upset by this little arguement. It was still bothering me when later on I got on a crowded bus. Three young men occupied four seats in a way that made it impossible to sit down. And again there were a number of much older people who needed seats. I didn't have the patience to wait very long. I could see that they had glanced at us, although they didn't get up. So I took the initiative:
"I guess you haven't learned Dererch Eretz*."  
They looked up, saw that we were all old enough to be their parents or grandparents, so gave us the seats. I admit that I wasn't all that polite. Most of the time I have absolutely no problem just sitting down, but one of them had taken over two seats in a way that made it impossible.

A large percentage of  passengers on public transportation here in Israel are senior citizens. Many times when I get on a crowded bus or train, I see that those seated are my age or older. Then I am just very thankful that I can hold on and stand. At my age, you can't take such a thing for granted. I sometimes ask a young person who's sitting to get up for someone who needs a seat. We shouldn't be shy about it.

I hope that old man got a seat on the next rain.


*Derech Eretz are the Jewish Laws pertaining to how to treat others including the elderly.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Guest Post: Shabat Table Derech Eretz

Shabbat Table Derech Eretz
a guest post by Mr. Cohen

Many years ago, I visited a very fine Orthodox family
for the Shabbat daytime seudah.
Something happened there that surprised me.

When the mother summoned her children to the
table to hear kiddush, she had to ask them nine (9)
times until they finally complied with her request! 

Since I was merely a guest, I just kept
my mouth shut and never spoke about it;
but it made a very bad impression on my mind,
and I still remember it more than ten years later.

This incident violated several Torah principles:
[1] honoring parents
[2] VeAhabta LeReacha Camocha
[3] the obligation of hearing Kiddush
[4] unnecessarily delaying a mitzvah
[5] Torah law obligates guests to obey their hosts

This incident was especially upsetting to me because
complying with the mother’s request was so easy:
there was no monetary expense, no distance to travel,
no need to learn a new skill, and no need to endure pain.

I wondered: If this is how slow they are to perform
an extremely easy mitzvah, then how slow would
they be to perform a difficult mitzvah?

When the mother (or father or host or hostess)
summons the people of the house to the table
to hear kiddush, every Jew in the house should
comply IMMEDIATELY, without needing to be asked
a fourth time or a third time or even a second time.

Similarly, when the mother (or father or host or hostess)
summons the people of the house to the table to wash
their hands, every Jew in the house should comply
IMMEDIATELY, without needing to be asked a
fourth time or a third time or even a second time.

Finally, when the father or mother says that it is
time to recite Birkat HaMazone, all Jews present
should stop talking and quickly proceed to the table,
without needing to be asked a second time.
____________________________________________________

When the father or host is singing [a zemer],
the best Derech Eretz is for the children and
guests to help him sing by singing along with him. 
 
The second-best Derech Eretz is for the
children and guests to remain silent and listen
while the father or host is singing.
 
The third-best Derech Eretz is for the children
and guests to speak to each other in low voices
that are not loud enough to interfere with
the singing of the father or host. 
 
The worst Derech Eretz is for the children
or guests to speak to each other in loud voices
that interfere with the singing of the father or host.
____________________________________________________

“One [New York] Times opinion editor, Matt Seaton,
even admitted last year [2014 CE] that the newspaper
has a policy of veering away from criticism of Palestinians.”

SOURCE: Final sentence of article titled: “New York Times Editor:
Coverage of Israel Most Criticized Aspect of Opinion Pages
by Shiryn Ghermezian, 2015 October 14, found in: The Algemeiner.
www.algemeiner.com/2015/10/14/new-york-times-editor-coverage-of-israel-most-criticized-aspect-of-opinion-pages/
____________________________________________________
PLEASE help the battle against
internet anti-Semitism by
making a PayPal donation to:
FourCupsOfWine@gmail.com.
THANK YOU!!
____________________________________________________

\OTHER BLOG POSTS BY MR. COHEN:
 

Ancient Roman historians connected Jews with the Land of Israel and Jerusalem:
https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/02/guest-post-josephus-vs-muslim-liars.html
http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2016/05/guest-post-cornelius-tacticus.html


Rambam Rejected Childless Messiah:

http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2016/08/rambam-rejected-childless-messiah-by-mr.html

Why Muslims Hate Jews:

www.jns.org/opinion/arabs-are-torch-bearers-for-nazi-anti-semitism/
www.algemeiner.com/2018/01/19/why-arabs-and-muslims-will-not-accept-israel-as-the-jewish-state/
https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2016/12/guest-post-why-muslims-hate-jews.html
http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2016/03/guest-post-famous-last-words.html
http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2016/06/why-all-jews-must-die.html

Forgotten Oppression against Jews:

https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/01/guest-post-forgotten-oppression.html
https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/03/guest-post-forgotten-anti-semitism.html

https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/01/guest-post-moynihan-1982.html

Seven Times Stronger
(a quick quote about American anti-Semitism during the Holocaust):
https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/01/guest-post-seven-times-stronger.html


How a Reform Rabbi Become Orthodox (true story):

http://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2016/07/how-did-reform-rabbi-become-orthodox-jew.html

<b>Why Barak Hullman left Reform Judaism and became Orthodox:</b>
http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/why-reform-judaism-doesnt-work-wont-work-and-how-to-fix-it/
 

How to Convict the New York Times
(of unfair bias against Israel):

Why Israel’s 1967 Borders are Undefendable:
www.algemeiner.com/2017/10/27/israel-cannot-withdraw-from-the-west-bank/
https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/03/guest-post-why-1967-borders-are-suicide.html

How Torah Can Defeat Terrorism:
https://shilohmusings.blogspot.com/2017/08/defeat-terror-with-torah.html
_____________________________________________________
PAT CONDELL SAID:
Like all things Islamic, the Palestinians have
long-been officially above criticism in the West…”

SOURCE: Useful idiots for Palestine by Pat Condell,
2011 November 4 (available for free on YouTube)

MICROBIOGRAPHY:
Pat Condell is an atheist, who was born in Ireland around
1950 CE, and raised in England as a Roman Catholic,
and educated in Church of England schools.
He has no Jewish ancestors and no religious beliefs
that might cause him to favor Jews.
____________________________________________________

Please help Shurat HaDin SUE the terrorists in court:
www.IsraelLawCenter.org    

Shurat HaDin won $9.4 million in appeal against Iran for terror victims:
http://israellawcenter.org/pr/terror-victims-win-court-victory-over-iran/

Shurat HaDin successfully froze over $600 million in terrorist assets:
http://5tjt.com/bankrupting-terrorism/

Shurat HaDin’s victory for Israel on FaceBook:
www.algemeiner.com/2016/01/08/facebook-finally-caves-on-anti-israel-hate-pages/
www.causematch.com/projects/shurat-hadin-givingtuesday/

Shurat HaDin Wins Major Victory in Lawsuit Against Iran
www.algemeiner.com/2018/02/11/terror-victims-win-major-victory-in-lawsuit-against-iran/

PS: Please check out these pro-Israel web sites:
www.camera.org * www.HonestReporting.com * www.memri.org *
www.ActForAmerica.org * www.aish.com * www.IsraelLawCenter.org  
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