Har Menuchot, Givat Shaul, Jerusalem, Walls of Graves

Yesterday I was at a funeral in Har Menuchot, Givat Shaul, Jerusalem. Unlike the usual noontime summer funeral, we didn't bake in the heat, nor get sunburned. After the ceremony in the airconditioned hall, we got into vehicles and traveled to the newly constructed graves.

 Yes, constructed; it's a building with wide, long corridors decorated by graves stacked four high. 

Each wall is labeled/coded to indicate which floor, section and level, so that the grave can be easily located. Yes, these are today's and tomorrow's graves. People can still request and pay more for an outdoor grave in more natural dirt, rather than the soil added by the Chevra Kadisha, but in a small country like Israel, where land is limited and expensive, these graves make more sense. If you believe in ecology and "saving the earth and natural resources," this type of cemetery is what you should request for yourself.

While walking down the long corridor, following a friend to her "final resting place," I couldn't stop mentioning how lovely it looks. As you can see in the photos, people have found ways to decorate and individualize the plaques. 

The older "stacked" section of Har Menuchot, Givat Shaul, Jerusalem is much less attractive. They remind me of "office drawers" in some archive. But this new section is actually lovely in the way that the Military Cemetery in Mount Herzl is attractive, though this one is indoors and Mount Herzl is a well-tended garden.

Apparently the administration of Har Menuchot, Givat Shaul, Jerusalem is constructing kilometers of buildings like these instead of wasting the Holy Land on the dead rather than the living.

Rabbi Pinchas Stolper, ZTz"L, Plugged the Assimilation Leak

 

NCSY National Convention 1967
That's me receiving Standards Award from Rabbi Stolper

Rabbi Pinchas Stolper passed away a few weeks ago. If you google his name, you'll find information and a number of obituaries. None of them touches on the man who was instrumental in introducing me to "Torah True Judaism" as he had called it, during my years, mid-late 1960s, in NCSY National Conference of Synagogue Youth of the OU.

Immediately upon reading an email announcing his death and planned burial in Jerusalem, I contacted a few old friends from NCSY who live here in Israel not far from me. It was clear to me that I had to attend his funeral. According to Jewish Tradition, attending the funeral honors the dead person, and a shiva visit comforts the mourners. From the announcement there wouldn't even be a shiva in Israel.

Who, you may be wondering, was Rabbi Stolper? And how close was I to him? To be perfectly honest, I'd never been invited to his home and don't remember much in actual personal conversations, except when we were preparing posters for the NCSY marchers in the 1967 Salute to Israel Parade, just after the Six Days War. Rabbi Stolper couldn't contain his joy at Israel's miraculous victory. Rabbi Stolper did attend my wedding in 1970 where he spoke about Israeli History from the vantage point of a Betari, which we had in common. See my husband's blog post about Rabbi Stolper on the Betar blog.

In 1963 when I first got involved in NCSY I was just looking for friends. We had just moved to Great Neck a few months before, and I didn't fit in at all. My family ended up joining the Great Neck Synagogue, an Orthodox shul which may not have been a good fit religiously, but the price was right. Orthodox we weren't, nor Sabbath observers nor kosher. 

Post World War Two most people considered Orthodox Jewry a dying breed. Considering the attraction of assimilation, poverty of the Great Depression, the trauma of Holocaust and the Jewish men who spent years away from home, the UOJCA, now called OU was desperate to keep Jewish teens Jewish. In the early 1950s they established NCSY. Member synagogues were encouraged to establish chapters and have activities for the youth. At that time there were few Jewish Day Schools, and not all the families could afford to send their children. Also, many member families were like mine, not at all religious. So NCSY had a dual aim:

• Keep the religious kids religious.
• Introduce Judaism to the non-observant and encourage them to follow the mitzvot

NCSY wasn't a Zionist youth movement. The term "aliyah" wasn't heard officially at all in the 1960s, though quite a few of my NCSY friends are living here in Israel now.

I'm not sure of the exact year, but sometime before my joining NCSY, Rabbi Pinchas Stolper had been appointed as National Director. He must have succeeded, because there was soon an Assistant National Director, Rabbi Chaim Wasserman. 

Rabbi Stolper was a Zionist activist and a Betari. He had been Natziv, Head of North American Betar in the very early 1950s. He and his wife tried living in Israel but went back to New York. Rabbi Stolper built an amazing youth organization with chapters, grouped by regions, all over North America. He was an amazing administrator. NCSY events went like clockwork; each session started and ended on time. Chapters hosted regional Shabbat programs. For teens like myself, this was our first introduction to Shabbat. Even those from religious homes learned to enjoy Shabbat even more than they had. We sang Jewish tunes and danced and sang and danced. I'm convinced that Torah True Judaism entered my heart and mind via my dancing feet and loud singing, not that I understood the words of the songs. The educational "sessions" were led by some brilliant people. There are things I remember to this day. 

At National Conventions, held in a large hotel, The Pine View, only Shabbat ended late. But that was the plan. Rabbi Stolper led the Havdala, and some of us girls were given lit candles to hold high. We were told that the higher the candle, the taller our future husband would be. Rabbi Stolper was most inspiring during Havdala.

The key to the success in reaching Jewish teens like myself was the tolerance of the staff of advisors. We were given time and acceptance while learning and experiencing Torah True Judaism. In those days, tzniyut modesty was rare, even religious women wore sleeveless and Orthodox synagogues hosted dances. Some OU member synagogues didn't have a mechitza separation and even had mixed seating. The OU was in a "war for Orthodox survival," and Rabbi Stolper was assigned to save Jewish youth. Yes, he and his staff worked hard stop the flood of assimilation, and they succeeded. The terms "outreach" and "baal teshuva movement" came afterwards. In the 1960s Yeshiva University Youth Bureau also had activities for teens on Shabbat and weeklong Seminars late summer and during winter vacation. It wasn't a national organization; I went to some of their events, too.

The Friday of Rabbi Stolper's funeral as one of my NCSY friends and I waited with his Israeli relatives for the bereaved children and body to arrive from the states, I wondered why there weren't mobs of people. From my perspective, Rabbi's Stolper's influence on North American Jewry was humongous, but it was half a century ago and more. Or can we say that his great success in strengthening Torah Judaism in teens has produced a generation that is incapable of fully comprehending what a miraculous success he had accomplished?

יהי זכרו ברוך

I wrote the following blog posts which also mention Rabbi Stolper and NCSY:

NCSY at 60!, Havdalah, What? I'm Not Unique?!

NCSY, What We Didn't Know

'In Every Generation...' A Voice From My Past

Far From 120, Sad Day

We don't know Gd's plan. Birth and death are in Gd's Hands.

Yesterday I joined many neighbors at a funeral, a young woman who had grown up in Shiloh. I remember when she was born, and then I followed her to her grave.

אין מילים

Ain milim

There are no words, just prayers and sorrows.

המקום ינחם

HaMakom Yinachem

May Gd/The Place give Comfort

Jewish Funerals and Mourning in Israel

Israel, being a Jewish country, and nothing bringing out traditional Jewish values more than death, funerals are much better attended than in most other places.

Recently a neighbor passed away, and people came from all over to pay final respects.

According to Jewish Law/Tradition, the funeral is to honor the dead person. In my experience, being given time off from work to attend a funeral of a friend or neighbor is relatively easy in Israel. And if the dead person is a relative, there isn't 'even a question. Everyone knows that it's a requirement.

Children also attend funerals and memorial events in cemeteries. Death is part of life, and many children are taught about it at the youngest ages. Death isn't hidden.

Our memorial ceremonies, and funerals, include ordinary people talking about, and to, the dead person.

We don't dress up for a funeral in black, and neither does the family. More accurately, the immediate family, the official mourners --children, parent, spouse, sibling of the dead person-- certainly don't dress up in "proper black suits," like you'd see in traditional christian countries. Many Israelis, even those not all that religiously observant, follow the custom of having their shirt/jacket ripped at the funeral. The ripped clothing is worn for the week of mourning, shiva, except for Shabbat. Yes, the same clothing is worn the entire week, except for Shabbat. Hair isn't combed/styled or washed.

The mourner isn't supposed to take care of him/herself. Neighbors and more distant relatives are expected to cook, shop and straighten the house during the shiva week. Mourners are not told to ignore their pain and shock. They aren't supposed to be distracted from it by taking care of their routine household needs.

Shiva visitors are called "comforters." The proper Hebrew term for visiting a mourner is to "comfort" the mourner. Proper conversation during a shiva call is to ask the mourner about the dead person. Side conversations among visitors isn't acceptable behavior. It's not a social call. The center of attention must be the mourner, and if the mourner doesn't feel capable of speaking, it's permitted to ask to see a photo of the dead and see if that helps the mourner.

Serve the mourner; don't expect the mourner to be a host.

Many experts in human psychology say that the Jewish Laws and customs for mourners are most suited for the needs of a mourner.

When you leave the mourner, you say Hamakom yinachem... May the Place/Gd give you comfort...

Only in Israel: About 20,000 Attend Funeral of Sean Carmeli, HaYa"D, Lone Soldier

Sean Carmeli, HaYa"D

cross-posted on me-ander

Yesterday morning we read about the lone soldier from the small Texas town nobody had ever heard of who had been killed in Gaza trying to destroy the Hamas terror infrastructure, Sean Carmeli. Later in the day, emails and facebook messages kept arriving in Hebrew and in English asking that people come to his funeral.

Israel values all of its soldiers; they are our children. Israeli kids are raised knowing that after high school they will be drafted. (I'm not getting into the chareidi draft issue here.) Religious girls frequently take the option to do Sherut Le'umi, National Service and volunteer in all sorts of places, schools, hospitals, memorials etc. Young men who are exempt for various medical reasons quite often petition the IDF to be accepted as official soldier volunteers and get positions suitable for them.

And then there are the new immigrants and foreign IDF volunteers who come to Israel either just to serve or knowing that their choice to be Israeli means that they will be drafted and serve in the army without a mother waiting at home to do their laundry and make sure there's hot food for them. They are the true idealists, and Sean Carmeli was one of them.

When an Israeli born and raised IDF soldier is killed, his funeral is attended by his family, childhood friends of all members, fellow students and those from the neighborhood and more. Funerals here for whomever, no matter what the reason of death, are usually humongous. Here in Shiloh, a small funeral, quickly arranged on a Friday before Shabbat can have a minimum of fifty to a hundred people, and the larger more public funerals, like the triple one for the three teenagers murdered by Arab terrorists a few weeks ago are attended by hundreds of thousands. Compare that to a very recent funeral in New Jersey for a policeman killed, Fallen Jersey City Police Detective Melvin Santiago laid to rest.

JERSEY CITY - The Jersey City police officer who was shot and killed while responding to a report of an armed robbery was laid to rest today.
Hundreds of police officers from around New Jersey and surrounding states came to St. Aloysius Church to pay their final respects to Melvin Santiago. 

IDF Staff Sgt. Sean Carmeli was laid to rest accompanied, honored by about 20,000 people.

twitter

HaMakom yenachem...
May G-d comfort his family and friends

IDF Soldiers are OUR Children, Together we Mourn the Dead and Encourage the Living

More of the names of our IDF soldiers killed in the Operation Protective Edge  have been released. Baruch Dayan Ha'emet and nichumim, comfort to their families and friends. Two of those were lone soldiers who left their families in chutz l'Aretz, out of the Land of Israel, to live in Israel and serve in the IDF. Many dozens of our IDF soldiers have been wounded and need our prayers. Their families need our support assistance until they achieve a refuah shleimah, complete healing.

This Operation Protective Edge is a real war. Maybe the Government should change its name to Wipe Out The Terrorists or some more Biblical sounding name for the same thing. All of the army's operations must be planned to do the most damage to Gaza, the terrorists and the supporting population, yes including women and children, while protecting our soldiers as much as humanly possible.  I'm just a mother, a soldiers' mother, not a military strategist or logistics expert. I'm also a writer and since our soldiers have discovered that the Arabs, the Hamas Gazan Arab terrorists had been spending their "humanitarian" funding on building an advanced underground military base against Israel we must change the focus and intensity of our fight, our war against them. It is so dangerous to underestimate one's enemy, and I think we have been doing that for two long.

This morning I just want to take a few minutes as the sun rises in the east to give you some information about the wonderful IDF Israeli soldiers who lost their lives in this very necessary war. Not all of the names have been released to the public yet. Here are some of the names and information.

Max Steinberg, lone soldier from Los Angeles, CA
Sean Carmeli, lone soldier from South Padre Island, Texas

Steinberg and Carneli, Jewish Press

Captain Tzafrir Bar-Or, a commander in the Golani Brigade, 32, of Holon. His funeral will be held Monday at 1:00 p.m. in the military section of the cemetery in Holon.
Major Zvi Kaplan, a commander in the Golani Brigade, 28, from Kedumim. His funeral will be held Monday at 11:00 a.m. at the military cemetery in Haifa.
Gilad Yaakobi, 21, of Kiryat Ono. His funeral will be held Monday at 10:00 a.m. at the Kiryat Shaul cemetery in Tel Aviv.
Sergeant Oz Mendelovich, 21, from Avtalion. His funeral will be held Monday at 6:00 p.m. at the Misgav cemetery.
Nissim Sean Carmeli, 21, of Ra'anana.
(quoted from Arutz 7)

July 19

Staff Sgt. Bnaya Rubel, an infantry soldier, was killed in battle with terrorists.

Staff Sgt. Bnaya Rubel, 20, from Holon

2nd Lt. Bar Rahav, a combat engineer, was killed when terrorists fired an anti-tank missile at the vehicle he was operating.

2nd Lt. Bar Rahav, 21, from Ramat Yishai

Sgt. Adar Barsano was killed by Hamas terrorists who infiltrated Israel in an attempt to carry out an attack on Israeli civilians.

Sgt. Adar Barsano, 20, from Nahariya

Maj. (res.) Amotz Greenberg  was killed by Hamas terrorists who infiltrated Israel in an attempt to carry out an attack on Israeli civilians.

Maj. (res.) Amotz Greenberg, 45, from Hod Hasharon

July 18

First Sgt. Eitan Barak, was killed overnight fighting Hamas terrorists in Gaza.

First Sgt. Eitan Barak, 20, from Herzliya

 We mourn the loss of every life given in defense of the State of Israel. (from IDF blog)

ברוך דיין האמת

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet

Blessed is the True Judge

"הי"ד,"  "השם יקום דמם"

HaYa"D, Hashem Yikom Damom

May G-d Avenge Their Blood

The Funeral of the Three Murdered Israeli Jewish Teenagers, I Was There

There must have had been hundred of thousands of people who attended the funeral of the three murdered teenagers, because I was there and the mobs of people extended so far and wide, and the number of buses and private vehicles was larger than anyone could count. We had to walk miles, not just kilometers (which is a shorter distance) to go from where the bus dropped us off and then waited until we found it, until we got to a place where we could barely hear the loudspeakers amplifying what was happening around the graves.

So many people of all ages were there, even though it was a rough hike at times to just arrive near the cemetery.

It was a youth movement hike without the singing.

People made every effort, though the weather, even late afternoon was brutal.

We finally reached a point where we could hear the loudspeakers but couldn't see anything but crowds of people in all directions. That's where we stopped.

Many people felt ill from the heat, and although we had seen lots of ambulances and motorcycle first aid vehicles, help came from people nearby passing along water and juice.

The crowd was quiet, sad and emotionally exhausted after the long two and half weeks of searching, praying and hope. Everyone was in pain. You didn't need to know the boys or their families. The murderous attack was random though well-planned. It could have happened to anyone.

Walking back to find the buses afterwards, groups of men stopped and said the Mincha, afternoon prayer in minyan, quorums of the required ten or more. Our Shiloh bus took so long to fill that the men even called a Ma'ariv, Evening Prayer.

We arrived home very, very late.

HaMakom yinachem...
May G-d comfort the mourners...

And may G-d give wisdom to the politicians in government who are supposed to be leading us. May they make the right decisions. We must defeat Arab terrorism or these scenes will just keep on repeating themselves! We cannot make peace with terrorists who are out to destroy and murder us!!!

Funerals in Israel, Especially When a Sage Dies

HaRav Ovadia Yosef, ZaTza"L considered one of the greatest rabbis, experts in Torah, passed away yesterday at the age of 93.  He had been suffering from extremely complicated medical problems of late.  His followers had been praying for a miraculous recovery, but even the great sages are human and human bodies are frail.

Yesterday before I left for work, just after 1pm, the Israeli television news was a direct hook-up to the hospital where HaRav Ovadia was being treated.  There was a split-screen.  On the left were clips of the rabbi with all sorts of people, mostly when he was much younger.  And on the right we saw the hospital corridor where dozens or hundreds of people were milling around waiting for news.

Soon after I got to work, Yafiz (of the Rami Levy company.) in Sha'ar Binyamin I was told that we would be closing at 5:30pm because of the death of Rav Ovadia.  The head of the company didn't think it would be proper for us to be selling clothes when the great rabbi was being buried.  I double-checked with the head office and our store manager, since the store was full of customers, and the Rami Levy Discount Supermarket was to remain open as usual.  Apparently, it was different at the headquarters in Givat Shaul, near the Rabbi's neighborhood of Har Nof.  In the end we were given instructions to keep the store opened.

In all honesty, personally, I never had any direct contact with HaRav Ovadia, but I know of people who had.  And considering all of his followers, he must have been amazing.  HaRav Ovadia was Sephardic, from North Africa, but he had Ashkenazi followers too.  And his followers turned him into a large charismatic group and successful Israeli political party, school system and more.

The Jewish custom is to have a quick burial.  The body isn't supposed to suffer waiting to enter the earth.  Considering that a "quick burial" means not much notice, you'd be amazed at the size of Israeli funerals, even for ordinary people.  Here in Shiloh you can have dozens or hundreds of people at the funeral of a neighbor's parent or a young child.  The estimated size of Rav Ovadia's funeral is close to a million people, at least 800,000.

Jewish Press

 

No doubt many businesses closed for the funeral, and I received reports that many schools took their students to the funeral.  And these weren't  all schools that Rav Ovadia's supporters had opened.  Israeli culture isn't afraid to go to funerals and cemeteries.  It's not considered just places for grown-ups.

Baruch Dayan Ha'emet, Blessed is the True Judge

ב     עֵת לָלֶדֶת,        וְעֵת לָמוּת;           עֵת לָטַעַת,        וְעֵת לַעֲקוֹר נָטוּעַ.

2 {S} A time to be born, {S} and a time to die; {N} {S} a time to plant, {S} and a time to pluck up that which is planted; {N}

Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 קֹהֶלֶת

Pictures from the funeral and cemetery

 

As usual, I had my trusty old camera with me at my mother's funeral.  I may have taken some of the pictures, for sure those before the actual funeral.  Then I'm pretty sure I handed it to a friend.  My mother is buried in the New Montefiore  Cemetery out on Long Island.  We got off at Exit 49 on the LIE and drove south.

My parents had bought their burial plots there in the Oakland Jewish Center section in about 1959. 

I'm pretty sure they lived next to us when we
were in the five room duplex in Bell Park Gardens.

They were founding members of the shul, Oakland Jewish Center, Bayside NY.  I was hoping to see lots of people I knew, I mean their names on tombstones.  No doubt I'll be back, and then I'll find their old friends.

My father has a lot of relatives in the Neshelsk (a city in Poland that once had a very large active Jewish community) section of a different cemetery.  A cousin was there visiting her parents and grandparents in between my mother's death and funeral.  She told them the news about my mother.

My mother's grave is near one of the outside walls.  It was pretty noisy, but that shouldn't bother her now.

Covering the grave was a group effort.  Due to a shoulder injury I was pretty useless with the shovel.  But I did drop a stone from Shiloh into the grave.  I had brought it with me to make sure my mother had something special from ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael, the Land of Israel.  Most of my mother's grandchildren and all of her great-grandchildren are in Israel.

I was surprised at how much deeper she's buried than we do here in Israel.  There are other differences, the American legally required coffin versus just the shrouds wrapped in a Tallit.  No, I didn't take up the offer to check/see the body.  My brother was pleased at how the shroud covered her.  She was in the simple coffin as all traditional Jews request.  There are many more "traditional Jews" when it comes to burials than living and breathing Jews.

In my community, Shiloh, Israel, actual "kri'ah," ripping of the clothes is the accepted standard.  My high school friend, with whom I had become religious almost fifty years ago,  did the first cut with a knife and Rabbi Dale Polakoff of the Great Neck Synagogue supervised, making sure that the rip was long enough.

Rabbi Polakoff made sure that my mother was well covered.  When the family and friends were gathering to leave, we could still he him heaving the earth onto my mother.  He was overheard telling the cemetery workers that he would take care of it himself.  I'd say that the Great Neck Synagogue is in good hands.

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet

 

Shirley Spiegelman

שפרה בת אברהם וחיה ריזיה

Shifra bat Avraham and Chaya Raisia

 

לעילוי נשמתה

Li'ilu'i Nishmata

May her Soul be Elevated

Amazing Funeral, Great Tribute

Yesterday was my mother's funeral at the Oakland Jewish Center section of the New Montifiore Cemetery.  It was conducted by a Rabbi  ?Klein and with the participation of Rabbi Dale Polakoff of the Great Neck Synagogue. My many cousins plus some friends and other family members attended.  My brother, sister and I really appreciate it.  I was told that it was considered a large group.  I guess it was, because Rabbi Klein had asked if there would be a minyon of men, and we certainly had that.

The cousins, from both sides (to tell the truth, a stranger would not have been able to tell if they were my father's or mother's nieces and nephews) really enjoyed Rabbi Polakoff's description of my mother as "feisty."  This was a great tribute to their Aunt Shirley whom they obviously adored.

Observing my absolutely wonderful cousins in action together, I have no doubt that they all are a tribute to my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents who produced this wonderful family I am privileged to be one of.
There aren't many families as amazing as mine.

My Cousin Howard opened his home to us for the post-funeral shiva.  He set it up as a proper shiva home, covered the mirrors and had water for ritual hand-washing outside the door.  One is supposed to wash one's hands when leaving a cemetery, but since he knew that we'd be going into the cars straight from the gravesite, he was prepared.  My sister-in-law brought low chairs from her Young Israel of Scarsdale, and my friend Rose made sure there was the traditional "seudat havra'ah" for the mourners to eat.  There was also kosher food for all, since many traveled long distances and we were all mourning.

It was truly a celebration of who and what my mother was and no doubt my mother would have greatly enjoyed the "party."

Afterwards I got back to my sister-in-law's and on old friend from Great Neck came over to "linachem."  His parents had been very generous to me in the years I had needed a place for Shabbat and holiday meals.  We hadn't seen each other for over forty years, but have had occasional email contact.  The Jewish World is amazing.

The day before, on Tuesday, there was a funeral ceremony for my mother in Phoenix Arizona, which my father was able to attend.  My NY daughter was there, too and stayed with my father after my sister and her husband traveled to New York for the burial.  Some of my mother's former caregivers joined the friends my parents had made in a Conservative Scottsdale Synagogue my parents have joined since their move from New York.  Also attending were many friends of my sister, her family and more.

Today the shiva continues at my sister and brother in law's home, then to JFK and my flight home to Shiloh where I will continue sitting until I get up on Tuesday morning, G-d willing.

li'ilu'i nishmata

May her soul be elevated...

Shifra bat Avraham and Chaya Raisia

Shirley Shankman Spiegelman

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet, "it's no real surprise, though always is"

My mother passed away on Shabbat in her new "home" in Arizona.  I had just visited and left there less than a week ago.

Funeral and Shiva arrangements to be announced.

Jewish Funerals and Jewish Mourning Customs

I was going to post about security, politics, the more usual topics, but considering that I had been at two funerals and a wedding in less than twenty-four hours, the funerals are weighing in more on my thoughts than the lofty news in the media.

Unfortunately, in the almost forty-three years I've been in Israel I've attended dozens and dozens of funerals.  Some have been under the broiling, bright sun and others have been late at night, even starting after midnight.

According to Jewish Law, one is to have the funeral as soon, as quickly as possible, because it's considered cruel to the body to make it wait for burial.

In Shiloh we have adopted the Jerusalem custom of nighttime funerals, sometimes just a few hours after death.  Scheduling a funeral for midnight or later is not unheard of, especially when the person had died on Shabbat.  That's what happened just this Saturday night in Shiloh.  It was the second time in recent months when a neighbor died on Shabbat or minutes later, and then we buried him a few hours after Shabbat.

Our Chevra Kadisha, burial society, is local and quickly prepares the pre-dug grave in the local cemetery.  A few months ago, it was winter, so Shabbat ended early, and we had time for a "two stop" funeral.  The custom is to take the body to his/her home, synagogue etc. on the way to the cemetery.  That neighbor had a sizable part of his funeral by the yeshiva where he had worked and studied for over thirty years.  Then we took him to the cemetery for the final prayers, eulogies and burial.  We arrived home after 2am.

Saturday night, being spring, after Shabbat was very late, so the family decided to do the entire formal funeral service at the cemetery.  There were a number of eulogies from members of his large family.  And then he was buried in the Land he loved so enormously.

Jewish Law does not demand that people dress in "formal black" for a funeral.  We don't dress up like that.  It's a Christian custom. 

At an Israeli funeral you'll see bright colors and prints on the mourning family and friends.  The official halachik, according to Jewish Law, mourners know that their shirts will be ripped.  The ripped clothes will be worn the entire weeklong shiva period, except for Shabbat.  Bathing and combing of hair also isn't permitted except before Shabbat.  Shabbat overrides mourning. 

There are mourning customs that continue for thirty days after death, such as no shaving/haircutting, new clothes, listening to music and more.  If one is mourning for a parent, most of those restrictions continue for eleven months or a year.  Jewish holidays, such as Rosh Hashnnah, Yom Kippur, Shavuot and first day of Succot and of Passover cancel the shiva and thirty day שלושים shloshim restrictions.   For more details about it, contact your local Orthodox Rabbi, LOR or other expert source.

During shiva, the mourners should be cared for by friends and relatives who are not required to sit shiva.  Food should be prepared, phones answered etc.  The mourner may talk on the phone but it's nicer if someone else answers to make sure all the calls are necessary.

It's not the purpose of shiva to entertain visitors.  It's customary to bring food the mourner can eat or serve to those who had come from afar.  Sfardim, Jews from North Africa have the custom of providing various foods for the visitor to say blessings out loud.  Some, like the Yemenites, have feasts every night to honor the dead.

Li'ilu'i nishmatam

May their souls be elevated...

Burying The Dead

Jewish Law, Halacha, is very different from the standard American, Christian, western. For Jews growing up out of Israel, in the galut, diaspora, it's sometimes hard to realize that local Jews have adopted many non-Jewish customs.

I guess it sounds peculiar, and can be misread, for me to say that I love the funerals in Shiloh. Of course, I hate the deaths, but I do value the way our funerals are conducted. We have our own local burial society, Chevra Kadisha, and everything is conducted according to Jewish Law.

The graves are prepared by local Jews, and the body, wrapped in a shroud, is gently placed in the grave and then buried. People, generally the men, take turns shoveling the dirt back into the hole and onto the dead.

The physical, kinesthetic act helps with the very necessary "closure." By being part of the earth, the dead returns to G-d.

HaMakom Y'Nachem, May G-d Comfort the Mourners...

Different, Though Totally Halachik Funeral

Hat tip IMRA


A recent poll shows that 62% of Israelis want a Jewish funeral, with the "traditional Chevra Kadisha."

"A joint poll conducted by Ynet and the Gesher foundation, found that 62% of Israelis would like to be buried in a religious ceremony, and, moreover, 51% of Israelis believe that the traditional Jewish funeral should not be altered."

Within Halacha, Jewish Law, there is a lot more room for innovation than most people would think.
It's just that in the cities, the Chevra Kadisha, burial societies, are Chareidi. Here in Shiloh, at the funerals conducted in our cemetery, the families have a lot of say as how the funerals will be conducted.

Females speak at the grave, wives, daughters, granddaughters, sisters... They aren't shunted aside.

"Forty three percent of secular Jews see no need to alter the traditional service, and an additional 9% would simply like to add additional readings and poems to the more time-honored prayers."

At our funerals there is a lot more to the ceremony than just the prayers.

"Who would Israelis like to preside over their funerals? On this issue, too, Israelis appear to be mostly in keeping with tradition. Thirty-six percent of Israelis would like to leave this task to the traditional Chevra Kadisha. Twenty-two percent of Israelis would like to designate this task to a close family member or friend; whereas an additional 19% would like to train Rabbis to help grieving families connect with a sense of Jewish identity and tradition. Whereas secular Jews would prefer to be buried by a family member of friend (34%), religious Jews, not surprisingly, would leave this task to the Chevra Kadisha."

Our neighbors and friends, of all professions, are in the local Chevra Kadisha.